I love it when people I admire exceed my expectations

I really do.

In my job I get to meet A LOT of people. Celebrities, CEO’s, psychics, mailmen, doctors, comedians, veterans, veterinarians, etc, etc. My motto? Treat everyone else the way that I want to be treated. I strive to be kind and pleasant. Of course there are times when I stray, but for the most part, that’s me, and the rest of of my family too. We’re pretty friendly folks. My daughter has a t-shirt that sums it up best: It’s nice to be nice.

 
But the more people I meet, the more I realize not everyone follows this.

There are times when I think someone is going to be great, and they turn out to be awful. There are times when I think someone is awful and they turn out to be great. And while I LOVE being proven wrong in the latter scenario (never judge a book, right?) my absolute favorite is when I think someone is going to be great, and they turn out to be amazing. That’s how I felt about Blossom. Well, Mayim really. But she’ll always be Blossom to me. (I mean, seriously, didn’t we all have that flower hat? Kelly did. And I borrowed it as often as she let me. Searching in the attic for a pic as we speak…for both of our sakes, I hope I don’t find one.)

I knew she was a smart cookie…she has a PhD for cryin’ out loud. In Neuroscience. What does that even mean!? And her role as Amy on the Big Bang Theory literally makes me laugh out loud week after week. My favorite is her obsession with Penny. Love it. So, as soon as I found out I’d be interviewing her, I jumped up and down a few times, and then I started to prepare. I watched the Season Finale of the Big Bang Theory that had been on my DVR for a few weeks (Sheldon sneaking a little hand-holding!?!) and I ordered her new book “Beyond the Sling” on Amazon. It was sold out at every local book store, and even checked out of the library. Apparently, Attachment Parenting is HOT.

I read it in two nights, and it didn’t take me long to realize we have many, many, (many!) differences when it comes to our kiddos. I had 2 C-Sections; she home-birthed. I vaccinate; she doesn’t. I like cribs; she likes the family bed. Scheduled naps work for me; catnaps while baby wearing work for her. I enforce “please and thank you”; she thinks that’s robotic. I have basement full of plastic, battery operated toys; wooden blocks and kitchen bowls in her playroom. I followed Babywise; I’m pretty sure she burned that book in a campfire. Oh, and did I mention she ate her own placenta? Yeah. She did.

But there was one chapter that I thought had some great tips that even us *de-tached parents could benefit from: “Gentle Discipline.” I liked it. Instead of saying “No” (which I admit, I say more than I’d like to) say “Not For,” and then offer a solution. Here’s a possible scenario: Chad is trying to mess up one of Charlotte’s puzzles. “Not for Chad. Chad has a truck to play with over here.”  Chad is reaching for a knife: “Not for Chad. That knife is for mommy. Here’s a spoon for Chad.”

It may take a lot of patience and a lot of energy, but she says it works. In fact, her kids never ever say no, because, she claims, they never hear it. Now if her kids are running head on into traffic does it still work? Not sure. I should've asked her that. But I was pleased to hear that they do have temper tantrums in Target (the book does make them out to be little angels, and really, what kids can be THAT good all of the time).  So what does she do when one of them starts losing it in line? Like the rest of us, she’s left a cart full of stuff and escorted a screaming child out. She tells that story, and much more in my recent interview with her for Better Connecticut.

(*her word, not mine. Honestly, I feel like I'm just as 'attached' as every ergo-wearing bed-sharing mama out there, even though I don't practice many of the principals. This is why I hate labels, especially in parenting)

Not sure which part of the interview this is. Obviously something is striking me funny...hence the oh so flattering side double chin shot.

So why did I think she was so amazing when there’s almost nothing about her parenting style that I practice? She was kind. And sweet. And warm. The kind of person I wanted to keep talking to. I was secretly hoping she’d say “Hey, do you want to grab a drink after this event?” Of course, she didn’t. I had the perfect place in mind if she did, though. But I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve done these interviews, and they are just “checking us off the list,” getting on with their day, their speech, their performance, as if they’ve done us some kind of huge favor. They turn it “on” for the camera, but when the red light is off, you really see their true colors. Mayim was “on” before, during, and after our interview. She was really a pleasure. I loved her back in 1992, and I love her even more now. Though, a play date probably wouldn’t work.  My kids would be screaming “NOOO!” way too much. Especially if Miles took one of their toys. But maybe, just maybe, they’d say an impromptu “Thank You” when he gave it back.

 

Oh, Blossom...eating your own placenta? I did not see that coming, but I understand the origin of that idea and hey, good for you. And from what I gather from Attachment Parenting, it's somewhat about going back to basics. In a lot of ways, I think our generation is heading in that direction in general. Melissa, great interview and but I'm on the fence about her book. Not because I don't want to "practice" Attachment Parenting, but because my previous encounters with AP parents have been fairly negative (talking badly about those who don't breastfeed long enough, being "true baby wearers" Seriously? and don't even get me started on the science behind vaccines) but I like how Mayim spoke about her experience.

But I do have a little bit more to say on the subject...maybe too much, but this is something that strikes a nerve.

AP is definitely "hot" here in Northern California and certainly those who practice it have pretty strong feelings about it and they aren't shy about expressing them. And you know what? That's great. Finding something that works great for your family is truly, truly wonderful. And honestly, I do many of the things she mentioned in the interview and I have been mistaken for an "AP" parent (hence the mom who confided in me about really disliking moms who aren't "true baby wearers." Really? I mostly had Amelia in a sling for the convenience of having another hand to grab Aaron before he ran into the street). But I parent due to my personality and what I feel is right for my kids, not because I am following a national parenting style or making a conscience decision about everything I say or do regarding my kids. I remember when I first heard about AP, thinking to myself: "What do they mean 'attached'? Aren't all parents attached to their kids?"

I guess I just don't believe that you need a book or a method to guide what you do as a parent. I mean, we started saying to our dog -- "not for you, Zari"-- when she'd pick up one of the kids toys and it sort of spilled over into saying it to our kids too, along with saying no (ie: grabbing Aaron's hair: "Not for you, Amelia...", trying to open the 450 degree oven: NOOOOOOO). But we definitely don't let the dog sleep in our bed and our children have their own spaces that we've lovingly created in their own rooms. Aren't they going to learn what no means eventually? And what's the difference between having a "no" stage and a "not-not" stage? Maybe I'm not educated enough to be discussing this parenting style, so let that be my disclaimer. But I'm not educated enough on most parenting styles and techniques, but purposely so.  I read a lot of books before Aaron was born (and for the first few months after-- especially any book with "magic sleeping through the night" in the title), but soon realized a whole lot of it just didn't apply or just didn't work for us or for him. So, we just figured it out and stopped reading. Don't we all eventually just do that anyway? Sure, if something comes up, I seek out assistance (ie: see blog post about picky eaters)...but mostly from my friends and family.

I'm taking the following thoughts from two of my friends: One who has kids the same age as me, and the other who doesn't have kids but has observed many families. They both essentially believe that all these parenting books and experts have tried to make parenting into a science, and well, an industry, actually. So that if we just put together the right formula, we'll have a successful child and a happy family. Makes it sound so easy, yet it puts so much pressure on us all to do it right.  

I now just like to read well-written funny parenting memoirs ( Homegame by Michael Lewis comes to mind) because I can relate, laugh, and appreciate that everyone has a different experience and it's impossible to do it all perfectly...so,  in the spirit of embracing differences, maybe Mayim's book will grace our bookshelves after all.

Isn't this the most important thing about parenting?